


Brave

by maggs689



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Adam Lowry Eats Ass Deal With It, Alleged Legendary Ho Mark Scheifele is a Virgin, Anxiety, Friends to Lovers, Human Panic Attack Brandon Tanev, Idiots in Love, M/M, Porn With Plot, Supportive Dad Blake Wheeler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 09:53:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19850704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maggs689/pseuds/maggs689
Summary: Brandon finally works up the courage to come out to his teammates. If only he could get Adam's attention, he'd have it made.





	Brave

**Author's Note:**

> Did you ever come out at the same time as your hot friend that you secretly have a crush on and have them bang literally everyone you know while you're basically unable to get laid or tell them that you're into them? No? Hmm. Must be nice for you.

Brandon was trying to be brave. He came out to his family over the summer and by the time Blake’s preseason team bonding party rolled around in September, he was ready. The whole team was gathered around a table in Blake’s backyard, drinking some expensive whiskey Jacob brought back from his summer trip to Scotland. When there was a pause in conversation, Brandon blurted out “I like guys” and then immediately put his hands over his face so no one would look at him.

“Brandon,” Blake said quietly, reaching over to hook his arm around Brandon’s shoulders. “Thank you for sharing with us.”

Brandon peeked through his fingers. Helle was giving him a thumbs up, and a bunch of the other guys were nodding. 

“Yo man, that’s awesome, good for you,” Mark said, punching him in the arm and then reaching out to touch his arm gently. “I’m proud of you,” Mark slid another shot toward Brandon, who drank it down fast.

“Okay,” Blake pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket and started reading. “It’s important for us as a team to applaud Brandon for coming out as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community today.”

“The what?” Patrik asked. Nikolaj leaned close, whispering that he would explain later.

“It is our job,” Blake continued, “to support Brandon and his partner-” Blake paused, “Is there a partner?” 

Brandon shook his head frantically. 

“Ok, to support Brandon and his sexuality journey. I want our room to be a safe space for Brandon to express himself. As the Reverend Martin Luther King once said-”

“Blake,” Brandon interrupted, “what is happening right now?”

Blake looked up from the paper. “I figured we’d have to deal with this as a team at some point,” he shrugged, looking quickly over at Patrik and Nicolaj and then looking away when Nicolaj threw up his hands. “As your captain, I wanted to be prepared to support whoever needed it,” Blake threw his notes down and picked up a shot instead. 

“What I think Blake is trying to say,” Mark said, “is that we love you man.” Everyone around the table picked up a shot with him. “To Brandon!”

“To Brandon!”

“I like guys too?” Adam said before they could drink. 

“ _What?_ ” Brandon shrieked, spilling whiskey on himself, because of course. Of course Adam had to get in on this, steal his thunder and ruin his life all in one moment. “You’re gay?”

“Well, I’m bi,” Adam shrugged, sipping his shot with a smile. “So here’s to us, I guess.”

“Adam,” Blake said seriously, turning to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “I want you to know that we support you and your sexuality journey-”

“Blake, it’s cool. I wasn’t hiding it but I’m glad you guys know now,” Adam said, infuriatingly nonchalant.

Brandon sat there staring at him, unable to believe that Adam just threw out that he liked men - _sex with men_ \- when Brandon had spent so many years agonizing over this and screwing up his courage to even say the words out loud. Plus it was _Adam,_ who Brandon had a crush on since they met. Over time, they became best friends and Brandon stopped thinking anything could happen between them, especially since Adam seemed aggressively straight. Brandon had almost gotten over Adam and decided to come out so he could move on with his life and now this! Adam had swept in, looking as handsome as ever, with his stupid beautiful face and his dumb goregous eyes and said that yeah, he was queer too. 

“To Adam and Brandon!” Mark lifted his shot again and the team toasted to them both. Brandon sat with his shot untouched in front of him and watched Adam slug his down, his eyes happy and a little unfocused. 

***

“You okay Rusty?” Adam caught up with him as they waited out front for their Ubers. “You’re quiet.”

Brandon was still trying to recover from Blake and Mark hugging him and whispering “it gets better” in his ear. “I just...when did you...?” Brandon sputtered.

“Remember that girl I picked up in Calgary last March? We were hooking up at her place and her _boyfriend_ came home and-”

“And?” Brandon shrieked.

“Let’s just say we all learned a little bit about ourselves that night,” Adam smirked. 

Brandon stared at Adam’s face, disbelieving. “Did you know you liked guys before that?”

Adam shrugged again, “Never really thought of it but you know me. I’m open minded.”

Brandon obviously did _not_ know him. 

A car pulled up and Adam opened the door. “See you later, Rusty,” he patted him on the shoulder and got in the car, which had the nerve to just drive away and leave Brandon standing there, dumbfounded.

***

Brandon was grateful that everyone on the team was so supportive and that they respected his choice not to talk about his sexuality in the media. Blake kept leaving You Can Play brochures around the locker room and putting Lady Gaga songs on the playlist on the bus, but otherwise the season started off like any other.

Until their first roadie. They were out at a bar in Nashville and Brandon didn’t know there were gay guys in the South, but somehow Adam found the hottest one and made out with him at the bar. The next week, in Toronto, Adam brought the fittest guy Brandon had ever seen back to the hotel, practically humping him in the backseat of the cab despite the fact that Brandon and Buff were squeezed in the car with them. And in Buffalo - _Buffalo_ , the least gay place Brandon had ever been - Adam got a blowjob in the bar bathroom from one guy and went home with a completely different guy who was somehow hotter than the first. 

Every time they went out, Brandon would go back to his hotel room by himself to jerk off furiously. He couldn’t stop thinking of Adam and these guys, what Adam was doing with them. Every time, Brandon would lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling with his hand still sticky with his own come, and hate himself just a little.

***

Brandon sat at the end of a table with his teammates in a bar in Winnipeg in November, gripping his beer bottle tight and staring vacantly into space. Blake leaned over toward him and laid a firm hand on his shoulder. “How’s it going, Rusty?”

“What?” Brandon asked, realizing that he had been zoned out for a while. 

Blake frowned at him and then took a sip of his beer. “Are you doing okay, buddy?”

Brandon exhaled and slumped over the table. “I’m fine,” he whined. He looked across the dance floor at Adam, who was somehow flirting with a super hot waitress and a muscly guy at the same time. 

“Hey,” Blake waved his hand in front of Brandon’s eyes and Brandon turned to look at him. “Is this about you both coming out?”

“Well,” Brandon took a big gulp of beer, “some of us are more out than others. Like, really out. Out all over the place.”

Blake frowned again. “Are you mad at Adam?”

Brandon leaned in to Blake to talk quietly, not certain he wanted to air these feelings to everyone. "I'm not mad. It's just…is there anyone he won't fuck?" 

Blake made a "hmm" sound and turned back to look at Adam. 

Brandon tried to keep his voice under control. "It's just...we both came out at the same time and he is _really_ doing well. Some of these guys are really hot, and...and there are _so many_ ," Brandon broke off in a huff.

"Are you jealous?"

"What? No. I just don’t get it," Brandon babbled unconvincingly. "He's out there on his big gay adventure and he looks like the straightest guy in the world. Like," Brandon pointed, "those are boot cut jeans and I'm over here practically poured into what I suspect are actually women's jeans and I can't get attention like that." 

"But you’re not jealous," Blake said uncertainly. 

"Look at his hair! He couldn't have paid more than $12 for that haircut and in Dallas Tyler Seguin was practically falling all over him."

"And your hair is gayer?" Blake looked really nervous now.

"I am out here, looking like...like...who's a famous gay dude?"

"Elton John," Blake offered.

"ADAM RIPPON," Brandon shouted, no longer caring that people were staring. "My pants are so tight and I use multiple hair products and I’m not sleeping with _anyone_." 

Adam was now kissing the muscly guy like he was the last man on earth and they were fruitlessly trying to repopulate the planet. Brandon hopped off his bar stool and slapped a $20 on the table for his drink. “I gotta go."

***

Blake had been right: he was jealous of Adam. He was jealous that Adam had come out so easily and started hooking up with guys right away. He wanted that freedom to be himself and he wanted it _with Adam._ That’s what he had always wanted.

Brandon was too angry at himself to even jerk off angrily that night.

***

Brandon's doorbell rang early the next morning. When he answered it, bleary-eyed and squinting in the early morning sun, he found Mark on his doorstep holding two cups of coffee and a bakery box. Mark pushed past him into the kitchen and set up at the breakfast bar. Brandon drifted in after him, still not sure if he was awake.

“What’s happening right now?”

Mark looked up at Brandon and held out a cup of coffee. “Almond milk, no sugar, right?”

Brandon took the coffee and set it down in front of him. “Seriously, Scheifs.”

Mark sighed dramatically. “I heard you need to get laid. I’m here to help. Where’s your phone?” Mark shoved a muffin into Brandon’s hand and went into his bedroom to get Brandon's phone. When he came back, he held it up to Brandon’s face to unlock it and sat down on the stool next to him.

“Mark,” Brandon said through a mouthful of muffin. “What?”

“I’m installing Grindr and we’re getting you laid.” Mark was tapping at the screen and finally paused. “What do you want your name to be on here?”

“On Grindr? Nothing,” Brandon left the kitchen to go flop on the living room couch with his coffee. 

“HockeyThighs69 it is,” Mark followed him into the living room. “Oh shoot, that’s already taken.”

Brandon put his arm over his face and groaned. “Mark, I don’t want to do this.”

“Don’t want to do what,” Adam yawned. He had just walked into Brandon’s house in track pants and flip flops, holding a bowl of dry cereal. He shuffled over to Brandon’s fridge and stole some of Brandon’s precious fresh almond milk from Whole Foods like the irresponsible bum he was.

“Rusty’s finally gonna have his first gay experience,” Mark yelled. “That’s it, your Grindr name should be Rusty69. Now, pictures.” Mark started scrolling in Brandon’s phone and Brandon frantically tried to remember if he had taken any pictures of his own junk recently. 

“You should use a picture of your back, it’s hella jacked,” Adam said, shoving Brandon’s feet off his own couch and sitting down to eat his cereal. 

“I’m really uncomfortable with what’s happening right now,” Brandon said, his face red from Mark’s invasion of his privacy and Adam’s whole deal. Brandon tried not to get distracted by how hot Adam looked inhaling a bowl of cereal with horrendous bedhead, but it wasn’t easy.

“Ok, I found some good pics. Now, the type of guy you’re interested in. The categories are bear, clean-cut, daddy-”

Adam snickered.

“Discreet - that one, yeah? - geek, jock, leather, otter - what’s an otter?”

“It’s a small bear,” Adam said through a mouth full of cereal.

“I want to die,” Brandon put his hands over his face and groaned. 

“Rugged, sober, trans, twink.”

“I think Rusty’s the twink,” Adam volunteered, winking at Brandon. Brandon lunged for the phone in Mark’s hands but Mark pulled away.

“Ok, I checked off discreet, jock, and rugged. What about height and weight?”

“6’5”, 210,” Brandon said quickly.

“ _Well_ ,” Adam put his cereal bowl down on the table and sat back to regard Brandon, who put his hands back over his face.

“Alarmingly specific. Okay, what position are you?” Mark looked up from the phone with a smile on his lips. Adam was still staring at Brandon, who was trying to avoid looking at them both.

“ _What position are_ _you_?” Brandon shouted. Real cool, being defensive about this was totally the way to go here.

“Usually behind the girl,” Mark said, “but that doesn’t seem to apply here.” 

“I’m a top,” Adam said, pushing himself up off the couch, leaving his dirty cereal bowl on the coffee table and heading for the door. “He’s obviously a bottom, Scheifs. Later, dudes.” And the door shut behind him.

Brandon laid back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling with his eyes wide open.

“Are you okay?” Mark came over and leaned over his prone body.

“I’m just going to die of embarrassment, I’m cool.”

Mark patted him on the shoulder and dropped his phone on his chest. “The embarrassment will go away once you get your dick sucked. Have fun.”

***

Brandon did not get his dick sucked _or_ have fun. He scrolled through Grindr, but deleted the app when he got sent his third aggressive dick pic in as many minutes. He threw his phone down on the couch and went to watch gay porn by himself, like god intended. 

At practice that afternoon, Brandon skated up to Blake and checked him into the boards. Blake looked extremely offended. “Brandon, on this team we talk about our feelings,” Blake chastised him.

“Okay, I’m _feeling_ _angry_ because you told Mark to come over to my house and harass me into using Grindr.”

Blake’s look softened. “Is this about you being a bottom,” he said softly.

“Fuck,” Brandon shouted and skated away, “Why does everyone on this team gossip about my personal business? I fucking hate all of you.”

Mark followed him down the ice and put an arm around Brandon’s shoulder. “Grindr not working out for you?” 

“Mark,” Brandon sighed, “I don’t want to meet someone on an app. I don’t want random hook ups.”

“Oh,” Mark said, realization dawning on his face. “You’re a relationship guy.”

“Yeah,” Brandon sighed, spotting Adam skating in circles with a puck down the ice, his hair ruffling in the breeze and a beautiful pink blush on his cheeks. “Why can’t I just be friends with someone, get to know them, and then-”

“Obviously pine over them and never do anything about it?” Mark leaned his face into Brandon’s line of vision and looked down the ice at Adam. 

“Fuck,” Brandon said quietly to himself. 

“Yeah,” Mark said and skated away.

***

"What are you in the mood for?" Brandon asked Adam, who was sitting next to him on his couch on their next off day. Brandon was flicking through the Netflix menu and their empty takeout containers were spread on the coffee table in front of them.

"Hmm," Adam yawned, "maybe a nap."

Brandon dropped the remote on the couch in between them. "You're boring."

"That's not what your mom said."

Brandon rolled his eyes.

"So," Adam started, picking up the remote and looking at the Netflix menu, "I was thinking about your problem. Since you can't give it away-"

"Thanks."

"- and I've basically fucked every gay guy in Winnipeg at least once already-"

"That’s awesome," Brandon gritted out.

"- we should fuck," Adam finished. He was still fiddling with the remote but he snuck a glance toward Brandon.

Brandon pressed his fingers into his eyelids and exhaled. He took his hands away from his face and spread his arms wide. "What?"

"Grindr didn’t work out so you have to do something. Do you want to get laid or not?”

Brandon put his hands back over his face. “Adam.”

“It'll be like breaking the seal," Adam shrugged, getting up from the couch. "Just think about it."

"I will _not_ think about it!" Brandon shouted at Adam's back as he made his way to Brandon's front door.

"I'm going to nap. Think about it."

***

Okay, so Brandon did think about it. He’d wanted Adam for so long that he couldn’t even remember a time when he didn’t want him. He almost hated Adam now with how much he wanted him. The thought of finally getting what he had fantasized about for so long was irresistible. He couldn’t _not_ think about it.

But he absolutely should not have sex with Adam. Should not. Because Adam had offered out of pity - and because he had run out of people in Winnipeg? Somehow? - and Brandon couldn’t just take a pity fuck and go on with his life. He knew he wasn't cut out for a casual fling, especially with Adam, who he was already in his feelings about. It was a bad idea. _Bad_.

So, yeah. Brandon had thought about it and it was a no. Brandon stopped thinking about it.

***

Unfortunately: alcohol. Once Brandon had a few shots at Buff’s urging after an OT win in Chicago, Brandon started thinking about it again. Only a few shots, and Brandon couldn’t help but lean close to Adam next to him in the booth. Brandon could smell Adam’s cologne, something smokey and dark, and Brandon could feel Adam’s long leg pressed against his under the table. Brandon looked up at Adam while he talked and wondered how his lips would feel against Brandon’s. 

Brandon looked away and Mark caught his eye. Mark raised an eyebrow and kicked him under the table. Brandon gave him a questioning look and Mark shook his head slowly. 

Brandon turned away from Mark when Mark started fiddling with his phone. Brandon was again absorbed in staring at Adam’s eyelashes - how were they so long? - when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He unlocked it and saw a text from Mark: _Don’t even think about it._

Brandon looked up at Mark and his phone vibrated with another incoming text from Mark.

_I know what he offered, and don’t even think about it._

Brandon huffed and got up from the booth to get another drink. Mark followed him to the bar and leaned back against it next to him, his eyes still on the table with their teammates.

“It’s a bad idea, Rusty.”

“Scheifs, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“You like him. You can’t just bang him and act like that wouldn’t wreck you.”

Brandon leaned over the bar, trying to feign nonchalance, and signaled to the bartender for another beer. “I’m not acting like anything. I’m not thinking about it.”

“You’re drooling over him, I can see it. I should cut you off before you convince yourself that you can make it work.”

Brandon turned to him. “Okay, but what if we can?”

“Oh man,” Mark whined.

“Just hear me out,” Brandon started.

“Oh no, you’ve already decided you’re going to do it.”

“I’m just saying, I can do one casual hookup, for Adam, if that’s what he wants,” Brandon said, looking past Mark to where Adam had Blake in a headlock. His forearms looked so good.

“You cannot,” Mark said, taking Brandon’s beer from the bartender and leaving Brandon to pay for it and order another for himself. “He’s going to break your heart. It’s absolutely going to happen.”

“But is it?” 

“Yes.”

“But really?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, who’s to say.”

“Brandon,” Mark finally sighed, “I don’t say this lightly, but you’re a fucking idiot.”

***

At the end of the evening, Brandon went back to his hotel room by himself. He was very drunk, despite Mark’s efforts to divert every drink away from him. He pulled out his phone and tapped on his text conversation with Adam. He paused for a moment and then started typing, the words swimming on the screen.

_I thought about it. And I think we should_

Brandon felt a twinge of nervousness in his stomach that he knew would be a full-blown panic if he was sober. Instead of spinning out over it, he set his phone down to go brush his teeth and then came back. He reread his text, pressed send, and passed out.

***

At breakfast the next morning, Brandon was hunched over a cup of coffee when Adam sat down in the chair next to him, his plate overflowing with revolting-smelling eggs. Brandon thought he was going to throw up.

“So,” Adam said in between bites of egg, “I went to your room last night.”

Brandon groaned, “What time?”

Adam put down his fork and turned to look at Brandon. “After I got your text. How drunk were you?”

“So drunk that I think I’m still drunk,” Brandon said, putting his head down on the table. 

“Did you change your mind from last night?” Adam said, his voice quiet.

Brandon lifted his head up off the table and looked at Adam, who was staring back at him, eyes soft, hands gripping the edge of the table. Brandon's stomach was churning, and not just because of his hangover. But somehow he managed to hold Adam's eye while he shook his head.

Adam smiled and looked down. “Okay, when we get back.” He pushed a piece of toast toward Brandon, who took it and nibbled on the corner. “It’ll be fun.”

***

Maybe it would be fun, Brandon thought as he paced around his house two days later, waiting for Adam to come over, but right now it was just nerve-wracking and making him sweaty. He had prepared for this as best he could - showering with his best-smelling body wash, changing the sheets on his bed, showering again because wrestling with the fitted sheet made him all sweaty, deleting the texts from Mark (“YOU’RE MAKING A MISTAKE”), and making sure he had condoms by the bed. 

Adam burst through the door while Brandon was obsessively straightening the pillows on the couch for the third time. “Okay,” Adam announced loudly, “let’s get you de-virginized!”

Brandon sank down on the couch. “I’m not a virgin, Adam.”

“Sex with women doesn’t count,” Adam said, flopping down beside Brandon. Adam casually put his arm around Brandon, and all Brandon could think was _oh my god_ _this is really going to happen._

“I’ve hooked up with a few guys,” Brandon said, his voice suddenly high and nervous. If he was honest, there had only been his make-out buddy on his junior team and that one guy from his dorm at Providence who let Brandon go down on him and who would jerk him off in return.

“Sure you have, buddy,” Adam said. He leaned in to Brandon and kissed under his ear. 

“I have!” Brandon protested.

Adam pulled away. “Do you want to win this argument or do you want to go to your bedroom and get naked?”

Brandon paused to think, his heart suddenly beating 100 beats per minute. Adam huffed and grabbed his hand to pull him up off the couch and down the hall toward the bedroom. 

Brandon stood by the bed and watched as Adam took his own shirt off and then started unbuttoning his pants. “What are you waiting for?” Adam said when he had stripped down to his boxer briefs. “Here,” he reached out and undressed Brandon. 

Brandon was frozen in place, not sure where to look or where to put his hands. His legs were shaking with nerves and his chest felt tight. 

“Hey,” Adam said softly, stepping in close and putting his hand flat on Brandon’s bare chest. “You don’t have to be nervous. It’s just me.”

Just Adam. Just what Brandon had thought about and knew he wanted since he looked in the mirror late one night a year ago and said the words “you’re gay” to his own reflection. That entire year of learning to stop hating himself, learning not to care what others thought, all wrapped up in Adam, the one person that he wanted. And now Adam was here, trying to talk him through this thing, this _momentous thing,_ and making it sound like it was nothing.

It wasn’t nothing, not to Brandon. But he wasn’t going to let it go. He took a deep breath and lunged forward, kissing Adam and letting them fall together onto the bed. 

***

Adam slowed them down to an excruciating pace, looking for confirmation from Brandon for each touch, each movement. They kissed for a long time, limbs entwined, until the late afternoon light in the bedroom shifted and the streetlights came on outside, until Brandon's lips were red from the stubble on Adam's cheeks. 

With every brush of Adam's lips on his neck and every touch on his chest, Brandon felt his nervousness bleed away. When Adam started cupping his ass over his boxers and pulling Brandon flush against him with urgency, Brandon was ready for him. What he wasn't ready for was the way Adam's eyes would go dark when Brandon turned his head to suck Adam’s fingers into his mouth. He wasn’t ready for the sound Adam would made when he felt Brandon hard against him. Brandon knew he'd have to live with the memory of Adam's touch after this, his fingers digging into Brandon's hips, but he didn't think he'd have to try to forget the sound of Adam, moaning into his neck.

“Can I?” Adam whispered, his fingers at the waistband of Brandon’s boxers. Brandon nodded, lifting his hips and feeling a shiver run down his spine when Adam dragged his boxers down his legs. “Now you do mine,” Adam said.

Brandon’s slid his hands around Adam’s waist, his fingers numb but he tried to be brave anyway, dipping under the waistband to brush the top of Adam’s ass before sliding Adam’s boxers down his long legs. 

Adam looked down Brandon’s body, at his cock hard between them, and back up at his face, eyes soft and wide. “You’re so hot, Bran,” Adam said and he leaned forward to kiss him, slow and wet. “I knew you were, but like, this is something else.”

“Shut up,” Brandon said quietly. He couldn’t blush anymore than he already was, naked here with his best friend touching him like this. 

“I mean it.” Adam kissed Brandon’s neck. “You’re fucking sexy.” 

Brandon lifted his chin and let Adam roll him over onto his back. Adam slotted one leg between Brandon’s, his cock thrust against Brandon’s hip, and continued kissing Brandon’s neck. Brandon squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing - _in, out, in, out_ \- as Adam explored his body. It didn't take long for Adam to discover that Brandon's nipples were so sensitive or that biting them made Brandon gasp in the most delicious way. He found the ticklish spot above Brandon's hipbone and spent an infuriating amount of time sucking a mark right there, until Brandon almost vibrated off the bed. 

Adam laughed at that, at what he could make Brandon do and the way that Brandon moved under his mouth, Brandon's hands finding their way into Adam's hair without Brandon even realizing it. Adam moved to take Brandon's cock into his mouth and Brandon whimpered. Adam's mouth was so wet and he looked amazing with his eyes fluttered shut and his lips wrapped around him. 

Brandon knew he was breathing heavy, could hear his breaths ragged in the dim bedroom, and he wanted to come so badly that he was aching with it. "Adam, baby," he gasped, touching Adam's shoulder, "you're going to make me come if you keep doing that."

Adam lifted off of Brandon to grin at him before leaning down to lathe his tongue over Brandon's balls. 

"Fuck," Brandon groaned.

Adam sat back up and grasped Brandon's hips. He flipped Brandon over quickly and moved over him, sliding up his back to kiss the nape of his neck. "Get on your hands and knees for me," he said, biting down Brandon's back and smoothing his hands down Brandon's sides to his ass. 

"Adam," Brandon said quietly.

"I wanna eat you out, come on," Adam coaxed him, his lips already at the base of Brandon's spine. 

"Adam, you don't have to," Brandon said, his face aflame with the thought of Adam’s mouth _there_. 

"You can't tell anyone, but I love doing this," Adam said, quiet and serious. He smoothed his hand over Brandon’s hips, pulling him back onto his knees. "I want you to like it." 

He spread Brandon's cheeks and leaned in, licking around Brandon’s hole with the very tip of his tongue. Brandon arched his back at the sensation, giving Adam access to lick harder, more insistently with the flat of his tongue. 

"Yeah, see that," Adam said and leaned back in, and Brandon did see, or he would if he could form a coherent thought but he was too busy falling apart while Adam worked his tongue inside of him. Brandon pushed back into it, Adam's hands tight on his thighs. Adam's tongue was magic and Brandon didn't know how he could have thought that he didn't want this. He gave in to the beautiful wet pleasure and moaned with every movement of Adam’s tongue, moving over and over inside him.

When Brandon thought he couldn’t take any more without Adam’s cock inside him, Adam kissed back up Brandon's back and chuckled in Brandon's ear, his arms wrapped around Brandon's heaving chest. "Good, yeah?"

"Yeah," Brandon exhaled shakily. "Really fucking good."

"Do you have lube?" Adam asked, turning Brandon over onto his back.

"In the drawer," Brandon pointed to the bedside table and watched as Adam leaned over for it, his naked body stretched out beautiful and long, all Brandon's to touch for tonight. Brandon felt a stab of pain in his chest at that thought but he pushed it away when Adam came back over to him and started kissing him again, slow and filthy. 

Brandon watched Adam settle between his legs and get the lube ready. Adam’s face was flushed and his eyes were hot on Brandon’s body. Adam looked at Brandon like he wanted to devour him and it made Brandon harder for him, dripping on his own stomach. Adam pressed the tip of one finger into Brandon and waited, sucking a mark into Brandon's inner thigh, and then slipped it all the way in.

Brandon lost contact with exactly what happened next. Whatever his own fingers felt like when he was alone, this was something else entirely. Adam knew how to move his fingers inside of Brandon, when to add another, how to press so that Brandon arched off the bed, moaning out Adam's name. He knew when Brandon was ready, harder than he had ever been and begging for Adam inside him.

Brandon caught his breath while Adam fumbled with the condom. Brandon noticed that Adam's hands were shaking. He touched Adam's hip and said, "Are you okay?"

Adam smiled down at him, his eyes liquid black and his lips glossy and red. "Yeah, it's just," Adam paused, his hand moving over Brandon's chest, "hearing you say my name. I didn't think it was going to be this hot."

"Do you want to stop?" Brandon asked, thinking _please don't stop, don't ever stop._

Adam shook his head and leaned down to kiss Brandon. "Fuck no."

Slowly, Adam worked himself inside of Brandon. Adam stayed there, hips flush against Brandon, his entire length sunk inside and Brandon’s legs wrapped around his waist. They breathed into each other’s mouths for a long moment before Adam started moving, the perfect amount of slippery friction inside of Brandon. Adam moved faster and Brandon pulled him down to kiss him, tightening his legs around him with each thrust. Adam paused to look down at Brandon for a moment, before kissing Brandon hard, murmuring, “You feel so fucking good, baby,” into Brandon’s mouth. 

Adam was fucking him harder now, spreading Brandon’s legs wider so he could go deeper, feel more of him. They fit together so perfectly, Adam stretching him just so he was on a knife’s edge between pleasure and pain. In a delirious moment, Brandon wondered if Adam felt like this too or if it was just because it was Brandon's first time. Brandon was getting closer and closer with each move Adam made, about to explode just from Adam inside him and the drag of Brandon’s cock against Adam’s stomach. 

“Don’t come yet,” Adam growled in his ear. He pulled out quickly and, ignoring Brandon’s protests, flipped Brandon over and pulled him back onto his knees. He sank forward into Brandon again, his mouth at the back of Brandon’s neck, his breath hot against Brandon’s skin as he ground deeper into him, over and over again. “Oh my god, I don’t ever want to stop fucking you,” Adam said, his voice rough and deep. 

Brandon was already floating, ready to come harder than he had before, but still desperate for more. “You’re so fucking perfect for me,” Adam murmured and Brandon couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He cried out, a broken moan as he squeezed his eyes shut and came, long and tight around Adam. 

Adam kept rocking into him, drawing gasps from Brandon in between his heaving breaths, fucking him through his orgasm until Brandon thought he would pass out. “Fuck, baby,” Adam reached for Brandon’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “I'm going to come.” 

***

Adam came back to bed after going to the bathroom to throw away the condom. Brandon was laying on his stomach, eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face. “This is the most relaxed I’ve seen you since the season started.”

Brandon blinked open his eyes and smiled. “Maybe Mark was right. Maybe I just needed to get laid.”

“I’m going to tell him that you said he was right,” Adam said, stretching out next to Brandon.

“Don’t you dare.”

“I will,” Adam said, scooting over closer to Brandon. He kissed Brandon’s shoulder and put his hand on Brandon’s back, touching softly down to the smooth skin of his lower back. “You are so sexy, oh my god,” Adam groaned, squeezing Brandon’s ass.

Brandon rolled his eyes at Adam, who pressed closer.

“I’m serious,” Adam said, kissing Brandon on the lips. “You have no idea how much I want you again.”

“Adam,” Brandon said, flustered. He let Adam kiss him, butterflies in his stomach at Adam’s desire and the intimacy of this moment. Brandon thought sex with Adam was going to be transactional, that Adam would high-five him after and then they’d go back to being bros, but this was different. Adam was holding him close, touching Brandon so softly, waking up his body from his post-orgasmic haze. Brandon was melting into him, seeing himself fall and helpless to stop it.

“C’mere,” Adam said, moving Brandon and arranging him over his face so he could rim him. Brandon was starting to get hard again at the feel of Adam’s mouth on him, sucking at his hole and slipping his tongue inside where he was already slick with lube. Brandon leaned forward to take Adam into his mouth and felt Adam moan into him, spurring Brandon on to take him deeper and let him hit the back of his throat. They formed a feedback loop, Brandon pushing back into Adam’s mouth to feel his tongue and his fingers deeper inside him, Adam thrusting up into Brandon’s wet mouth, and on and on. Adam finally put his hand around Brandon’s cock, hard and leaking onto his chest, and Brandon went off, coming hard and choking himself down on Adam, who let out a long moan and spilled into his mouth. 

Brandon’s legs were shaking and he collapsed onto the bed next to Adam, who immediately came over to kiss him, the taste of them both on their tongues, filthy and covered in Brandon’s come. 

Adam pulled away, his hand on Brandon’s face and his eyes wide. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Brandon whispered, unable to look away from Adam, who was looking at him like he was seeing him for the first time. “Holy shit.” 

***

Maybe Brandon should have kicked Adam out after they both showered, instead of making him tea in the kitchen. But Brandon didn't regret it when he was curled up on the couch with Adam re-watching an episode of Nailed It, Adam’s fingers in Brandon’s hair and lightly touching the back of Brandon’s neck. And he didn't regret it when they fell asleep stretched out on the couch, Adam’s arms wrapped around Brandon, and stayed there together until morning. And Brandon certainly didn't regret it when he came with Adam in the shower the next morning, Adam's hand around both of them and his lips on Brandon's neck, his words filthy in Brandon's ear. 

***

When Brandon got on the team plane that afternoon for their flight to St. Louis, Adam was already in their regular row toward the back of the plane. Adam got up so that Brandon could take his seat by the window, his fingers on the small of Brandon’s back as he moved past him.

“Hi,” Adam smiled at him once they were settled in their seats.

“Hi,” Brandon smiled back. He looked down to fidget with his phone.

“You look really good,” Adam said quietly. He was still looking at Brandon like he had been that morning when Brandon kissed him goodbye, intense and almost nervous.

Before Brandon could respond (or blush anymore), he looked up to see Mark and Blake making a beeline toward them. “Oh no,” he said.

“Hey, Rusty,” Mark said, trying for casual and landing at accusatory, “I texted you yesterday.”

“Yeah, I was a little busy,” Brandon said.

“I bet,” Mark snickered. 

“Can we help you two?” Adam asked, standing up and placing himself in between them and Brandon.

“We just wanted to make sure you’re both doing okay,” Blake said.

“You wanted the gossip,” Adam said, shoving them up the aisle of the plane toward their seats.

“C’mon, Lowsy, give us something,” Mark whined.

“Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell,” Adam said, crossing his arms.

“You’re not a gentleman,” Mark threw over his shoulder as he and Blake found their seats in the front of the plane.

Adam sat down in his seat and turned to look at Brandon, who was still flushed red.

“Thanks for that,” he said quietly, touching Adam’s arm briefly. He put his ear buds in and moved to press play on his plane playlist.

“Can I listen with you?”

“Sure,” Brandon said, taking out one earbud and handing it to Adam, who took it and slumped down in his seat, his arm against Brandon’s, and closed his eyes.

***

Toward the end of team dinner that night, Adam leaned over to whisper in Brandon’s ear. “Can I come by later?”

Brandon looked away and then down at his lap. “We have morning skate and a game tomorrow.”

“I know,” Adam said, touching Brandon’s hand with his pinkie and setting off goosebumps all over Brandon’s body. “I want to blow you. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Brandon looked up quickly. No one was paying them any attention, too absorbed in their own dinners and conversations. Regardless, he felt exposed, pinned down by Adam’s desire and his eyes boring into him. “Okay,” he whispered, trying to arrange his face in a neutral expression.

“Okay,” Adam smiled, devilish, and knocked their shoulders together. 

“What are you two whispering about?” Helle yelled from down the table.

“We’re talking about how ugly your sweater is,” Adam countered. The table erupted into a chorus of chirps. In the uproar, no one noticed when Adam reached out to stroke his hand up Brandon’s thigh, making Brandon’s whole face go hot.

***

Adam showed up at his door later, still smiling, his hands reaching for Brandon’s hips as soon as he was through the door. “Sorry I’m late, Blake cornered me to give me a talk about safe sex.” Adam buried his face in Brandon’s neck. “I missed you.”

Brandon exhaled, his breath shaky. “Yeah? You just saw me at dinner.”

“You know what I mean,” Adam pulled him closer, kissing below Brandon’s ear and nipping at his earlobe. Adam walked Brandon backwards to the bed. “I missed your lips,” he said, kissing him softly, “and your hands.” He took Brandon’s hand and interlaced their fingers, reaching up to the back of Brandon’s neck with his other hand.

Brandon sank into Adam’s kiss, Adam’s tongue eager in his mouth. Before long, Adam was pulling Brandon’s shirt over his head and fumbling with the drawstring of Brandon’s shorts. “Can I?” Adam asked, getting on his knees in front of Brandon, who sat on the bed and leaned back on his elbows. 

Brandon’s heart was beating fast at the sight of Adam in front of him like this. Adam’s mouth was soft and wet, his hand firm on Brandon as he took him all the way down. Brandon couldn’t look away from Adam, who looked back up at him, his eyes liquid fire, as he worked Brandon over. Brandon couldn’t help putting his hand in Adam’s hair and pulling a little bit, just to feel in control of this situation for a moment, but Adam seemed to like that. He licked Brandon more insistently, making Brandon’s legs shake with the pressure of it until all he could think about was coming in Adam’s mouth, down Adam’s throat.

“Baby, I’m gonna,” Brandon sighed, dropping his head back and thrusting up into Adam’s mouth. Adam hummed around him and tightened his hand one last time before Brandon came.

Adam crawled up onto the bed to lay next to Brandon. He slid his sweatpants off and touched himself, eyes raking over Brandon blissed out against him. 

“You’re fucking good at that,” Brandon panted, kissing Adam over and over again. Adam reached his free hand up to cup Brandon's cheek and Brandon turned his head to take two of Adam’s fingers into his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Adam groaned, “you drive me crazy when you do that.” 

Brandon lifted an eyebrow and sucked harder at Adam’s fingers, swirling his tongue around them. 

“Fuck,” Adam moved his hand faster on his cock, “you don’t know what you do to me, fuck.” He leaned forward and bit Brandon’s shoulder as he tensed up and came in his hand. 

Adam rolled onto his back and Brandon put his head on his chest, waiting for Adam’s breath to even out. He was sleepy all of a sudden and Adam’s arms were solid around him, even though they both were sweaty and there was a wet spot between them. Brandon let himself drift and, right before he fell asleep, he thought he heard Adam mumble his name into his hair.

***

They won a few nights later in Colorado. Brandon scored a goal in the third and Adam practically pulled him over the boards to hug him when he came down the line to high-five the team. In the dressing room after, Adam could barely wait for the media to disperse before picking Brandon up in a big bear hug, both laughing as Adam swung him around. 

“Alright you two, there’ll be plenty of time to make out later,” Mark jeered. “We’re going out dancing.” 

Later they spilled out of cabs and into a club in an old church, the ceiling high and music already thumping. Buff found a cocktail waitress and ordered rounds of shots that Mark goaded them into drinking, loud and wild with the win. Adam was plastered to Brandon’s back, his hands on Brandon’s ass and his lips against Brandon’s neck. “Come dance with me,” he shouted at Brandon. 

Brandon looked around at his teammates, drunk and jubilant, hanging on each other. Blake nudged Brandon and pushed him toward the dance floor. “Go, dance with your boy.”

“I don’t know what’s happening right now,” Brandon said to Blake, loud over the music. "Adam's-"

“Stop worrying and go, be happy,” Blake laughed. 

Brandon let Adam lead him into the crowd, their bodies pressed together. Adam looked down at him as they danced, his eyes warm on Brandon's face, and Brandon's heart turned over in his chest. This was just supposed to be a sex thing, a one-time thing, and now here they were. Brandon wanted to stop the music and ask Adam what they were doing because it made him sick to think that he was fooling himself into thinking this was something more.

"Baby," Adam said into his ear, "relax." He ran his hands over Brandon's shoulders where they were tensed up with Brandon's worries. "Just be here with me."

Brandon dropped his head back and sagged against Adam, putting his arms around Adam's waist.

"Yeah," Adam said, leaning down to kiss along Brandon's jaw. Brandon turned his head to catch Adam's lips and they stayed there, kissing on the dance floor, ignoring everyone moving around them.

***

In the morning, on the flight home, Brandon's worries were back. In so many ways, things with Adam were the same as they always were - easy, best friends and teammates, just like they were last season before this all started. But for so many reasons, from the way that Adam had looked at him under the flashing lights on the dance floor to the way Adam touched him when they were alone, Brandon was more confused than ever. This had started as little more than a dare and maybe now they were sex friends, or something more? Adam was the hookup king - there was no way he wanted anything more than a convenient fuck. Right?

Brandon drove home from the airport in silence, not even turning on the radio, and went inside his dark house to lay on the bed in the dark still in his coat, frozen by anxiety. He wasn't sure how long he laid there staring at the ceiling when he heard a knock at the front door. 

Brandon groaned as he rolled off the bed and shuffled to the front door. When he opened it, Adam was there with a soft smile on his face. "Wanna hang out?" he asked, holding out a six-pack of beer.

Brandon moved aside so Adam could come in.

"Did you just get home? Why are you wearing your coat?" Adam asked, walking into the kitchen to get a bottle opener. 

Brandon shrugged helplessly. He couldn't explain how he got home and then sort of lost the ability to function, like a toy whose batteries had run out. 

“Why don’t you go take a shower? You’ll feel better,” Adam said, pushing Brandon toward the bathroom. “I’ll order food.”

Brandon was barely under the warm spray of the shower when Adam came into the bathroom and started taking his shirt off. 

“What are you doing?” Brandon asked.

“Keeping you company. Food’s going to be a little bit.” Adam stripped his pants off and crowded Brandon into the shower. He ran his hands over Brandon’s shoulders and down his back, pressing his fingers into the sore muscles there. 

“That feels good.” Brandon couldn’t help but lean back into Adam’s touch, his eyes shut and the tightness in his chest releasing just a little bit.

“You’re so tense,” Adam said into his ear. “Good thing I know how to make you relax.” 

Brandon huffed out a laugh and turned to Adam, burying his face in his neck. “I just...I don’t want to think for a while.” He was exhausted but his mind was churning. Even though his worries about Adam were what made him anxious in the first place, once Adam’s arms were around him and holding him close under the water, Brandon felt grounded for the first time that day. 

“I got you, baby,” Adam whispered, leaning down to kiss Brandon softly on the lips. They kissed until they were both breathing fast and Brandon felt his tension slip away the more aroused he got. By the time Adam put Brandon’s hands against the wall of the shower and knelt down behind him, Brandon’s mind was quiet. He leaned his forehead against the shower wall while Adam ate him out, not caring if he was pushing back too eagerly or if his moans were too loud. 

Adam moved away suddenly and turned off the water, pulling Brandon out of the shower and drying him off quickly. “Do you want me to be gentle,” Adam asked, his voice low as they walked to the bedroom. 

“No,” Brandon breathed out, grateful when they got to the bed and Adam roughly pushed him down onto his stomach. He wanted Adam exactly like this, barely controlled and right on the edge with him, covering Brandon’s body with his and holding him down while he moved against him, his fingers digging into his hips and his teeth biting at his shoulder. Brandon exhaled everything away when Adam slid two fingers into him and pressed relentlessly on his prostate while he was pinned down, cock hard and aching underneath him. When Adam finally entered him, hard and in one long movement, Brandon could only cry out into the mattress. Adam's words, rasped into his ear, were the only thing in his head - _baby I need you, you're the hottest fucking thing, oh my god baby._ Adam faded out into a rush of white noise as Brandon came, Adam so deep inside him, and then Adam was coming. And then after, there were only their ragged breaths in the dark bedroom.

***

"I don’t think we should be eating sushi in bed,” Brandon said, snagging some pickled ginger with his fingers.

“You’re only saying that because you’re sitting in the wet spot,” Adam said through a mouth of California roll. 

“Adam,” Brandon said, flinging a packet of soy sauce at him. 

Adam just grinned and leaned in to kiss him. “Hey, so,” Adam started, “I wanted to talk to you.”

 _Uh oh, here we go_ , Brandon thought.

“I know we were sort of doing this as a random thing," Adam said, gesturing between them, "and then when we were on the road and, y'know, we hooked up again.” 

“Yeah, I remember that,” Brandon prompted. Adam seemed nervous and was looking down, which Brandon wasn’t used to, and that was making him worry even more.

“And I didn’t think you’d want to again when we got back to Winnipeg so I went home tonight.” Adam took a deep breath and continued. “But as soon as I got home, I had to come over here because I really wanted to see you again and...I don’t know,” Adam ran his hand through his hair. 

“I’m glad you came over.”

“Yeah?” 

“Really yeah.”

“Ok good, because I don’t want to stop. Hooking up with you. It’s amazing and I can't get enough of you and I don’t want to stop.”

Brandon thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He didn’t know what this was exactly, but maybe this meant he’d get a little more of Adam, a little more of pretending what it would be like if he was the one who Adam wanted, just for now. “Then you shouldn’t. We shouldn’t stop.”

Adam leaned in again to kiss him, biting gently at Brandon’s lips. He sat back and smiled at Brandon. “Good, now stop hogging the tuna rolls.” 

***

Brandon showed up at Blake’s house the next Sunday afternoon to watch the NFL playoffs with the team. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Mark and Adam, heads bent together, talking quietly by the sink. Brandon went over to them and they abruptly stopped talking. 

"Hey Rusty,” Mark said, a smile playing on his lips.

“Hey,” Brandon responded. He bumped Adam with his hip. “Hey, you.”

“Hi, babe,” Adam leaned toward him, pulling back only when Mark raised an eyebrow in their direction. “I’m going out back. I’ll get you a beer?”

Brandon nodded and watched him open the sliding glass door and step out onto the patio where Blake was tending to the grill. 

“So,” Mark started.

“Dude, don’t.”

“What? I was just going to give you the gossip.”

“The gossip about myself?” Brandon scoffed.

“Alright, if you don’t want to know what Lowsy said about you, that’s fine with me.” 

Brandon sighed. “Fine.”

“No, I don’t feel like it now.” Mark sipped his beer casually.

“You’re a dick,” Brandon hissed at him. 

“Alright, alright,” Mark leaned in conspiratorially. “Lowsy’s like, pretty gone on you. I heard he’s been hitting it hot and heavy.”

“I mean, we have been hooking up.”

“Of course you have,” Mark said, shaking his head. “As long as you know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, I 100% do _not_ know what I’m doing,” Brandon sputtered, his voice high and nervous. 

“Then it’s your funeral.”

“I guess, but at this point?" Brandon threw up his hands. "I’m not going to pass up the best sex I’ve ever had just because it’s probably going to turn out to be a disaster later.”

“Do you even hear yourself, bro?”

“Did you hear me? The _best sex I’ve ever had_. If you could get someone to bang your skinny ass you’d understand.”

Mark harrumphed. “I get laid.”

“I don’t think so,” Brandon said as Adam came back into the kitchen with two beers. “Adam, have you ever seen Mark pick up?”

“Sure,” Adam handed Brandon a beer, letting his fingers brush Brandon’s a little longer than necessary. “Oh wait, do you mean hot women? No, never.”

“Screw you, Lowsy,” Mark stalked away. 

“Good work, babe,” Adam said, high-fiving Brandon and then stepping into his space to talk in his ear. “Your ass looks amazing in those pants.”

“Stop,” Brandon smiled up at him.

“Good enough to eat,” Adam grinned back.

“Get the fuck away from me, you’re a menace,” Brandon laughed. 

“Is this young man harassing you, Rusty?” Buff yelled from the doorway.

“Yeah, he’s sexual predator,” Brandon yelled back, nudging Adam’s hip and smiling at him affectionately.

“You’re the one begging for it,” Adam responded, to the general howls of the rest of the team. 

“Careful, I could tell them so much incriminating stuff about you,” Brandon chirped back. 

“Go ahead, I’ve got to the goods on you too,” Adam said, leaning in to bite at Brandon’s neck. “You love it, you kinky bitch,” Adam growled into his ear, his hand slid around to grab Brandon’s ass. 

“Lowsy, I’m going to have Blake fine you if you don’t stop groping our liney,” Copp said from the doorway. 

Blake came into the kitchen with a platter piled high with burgers. “Game’s starting, no more funny business,” which only made Brandon and Adam laugh harder.

***

Brandon didn’t pay close attention to the game - he didn’t get Americans’ obsession with football, plus Adam was playing with his hair from his seat behind him. He got restless after halftime and spent much of the fourth quarter in the kitchen chatting with Nicolaj and Patrik. 

When he came out of the bathroom later, Adam was waiting there for him, leaning up against the wall. “There you are,” he smiled, hooking his fingers in the belt loops of Brandon’s jeans and pulling Brandon toward him. “Baby,” Adam said into Brandon’s neck.

"Down boy," Brandon whispered, feeling Adam hard against him.

"You look so good, I can't help it," Adam kissed him slowly. "Come in the bathroom with me."

"No way, Blake will kill us." 

"Do that thing with your mouth that I love." Adam's hands were all over Brandon and he was having trouble resisting his touch. "Where did you learn how to do that, huh?"

"In college," Brandon panted between kisses.

"Damn, I knew I should have gone to college."

"Hey," Brandon managed to breathe out, "what did you tell Mark before?"

Adam paused and stood back to look at Brandon. "What did you tell Mark?"

"Nothing!"

Adam squinted at him. "Nothing about the best sex of your life?"

Brandon felt himself blush red. "I'm going to kill him."

Adam leaned his forehead against Brandon's. "Best of mine too. That's what I told him."

"Hmm," Brandon smiled. "Okay."

"Also I told him about that time you let me handcuff you to my bed."

"You _didn't_ ," Brandon warned. "Tell me you didn't."

"No," Adam took his hand and they walked back to the living room to join the team. "Or did I?"

“Adam!”

“No, I didn’t. I did tell him that you mumble in your sleep.”

“I do not,” Brandon said uncertainly. _Shit, what had he said when he was sleeping?_

“You do, it’s really cute,” Adam said, kissing the tip of Brandon’s nose.

***

So maybe Brandon shouldn't have napped with Adam in the afternoons after practice and spent the night with Adam after every home game. But Brandon couldn't bring himself to leave Adam's bed when Adam looked so soft and sweet, his arms solid around Brandon and his face buried in Brandon's hair. Brandon knew that he shouldn't get used to this - that soon Adam would remember that this was just a fling and they'd go back to being buddies - but until then, he was going to soak up all of the time with Adam like this that he could get.

And if that meant letting Adam wake him up in the middle of the night, hard against his back and his hands moving over Brandon's body, Brandon was fine with that too. He'd climb on top of Adam and sink down on his cock, still wet with Adam from earlier, and ride him until they both were gasping. Adam's hands would be tight on his hips and his head would be thrown back, and he'd urge Brandon to fuck him harder. "Tell me you need me," Adam would moan, "tell me you're mine." And Brandon would squeeze his eyes shut as Adam came inside him. He'd try not to cry as Adam held him after, overcome with how much he felt for Adam and how it was all going to go away.

***

Coming off of a win against the Golden Knights on the road the next week, right on the heels of a win in Anaheim and another in L.A, the team celebrated with a night out in Vegas. Helle got them tables at a huge club and the drinks started flowing. After about an hour, just when most of the team was gearing up for more shots and talking about heading to an even bigger club, the fatigue of the road trip finally settled on Brandon, heavy like a blanket.

"I'm beat, I'm gonna head back," Brandon shouted at Adam over the loud music. 

Adam frowned. "Are you okay? Want me to come with you?"

"No, I'm fine. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay, call me if you need anything," Adam said, kissing Brandon quickly.

Brandon slumped back to the hotel, winding his way through the throngs of people just headed out for the night. When he reached his room, he had just enough energy to strip down to his boxers and brush his teeth before collapsing into bed and immediately falling asleep.

***

Brandon woke to someone fumbling with the door of his hotel room. It sounded like someone was trying to break in. When he looked through the peephole, he saw Adam in the hallway, slumped against the opposite wall looking dazed. 

Brandon opened the door. “Dude, what are you doing?”

“Why are you in my room?” Adam slurred.

“This is my room.”

Adam squinted past Brandon into the room. “Whoa, it looks just like mine.”

“Yeah, it’s a hotel. All the rooms look the same. How drunk are you?”

Adam swayed toward him. “Just a little drunk.” He held his fingers close together and squinted at them, nearly falling over in the process. 

“C’mon,” Brandon said, putting his arm around Adam’s waist and guiding him into the room before he hurt himself. “You can crash here.”

“Aw babe,” Adam reached out to stroke Brandon’s cheek and ended up almost poking him in the eye instead. When they neared the bed, Adam lunged for it, starfishing out on it fully clothed. 

“I missed you before. It was so fun and I wanted to make out with you.” Adam fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, only managing to get it half undone before he started pulling it over his head. “Everyone was like ‘Where’s Rusty’ and I was like ‘I don’t know, but I love him and he should be here’! And then! Oh my god! Blake was dancing-” All of a sudden, Adam’s eyes fluttered closed and he passed out.

Brandon stood next to the bed in shock, staring at Adam as he slept peacefully. Brandon put his hands in his hair and tried to breathe in time with him, watching his chest rise and fall, but his own chest felt unbearably tight. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to replay Adam’s words - _I love him_ \- in his head but the panic was overtaking him. 

He staggered back away from the bed, suddenly wide awake and aware that Mark was right yet again. Brandon had been hooking up with Adam thinking that he could protect his heart from the inevitable moment when Adam got sick of having sex with him and decided to starting hooking up with other people again, just like before. Brandon had pushed away thoughts of what would happen to him, their friendship, and the team when this happened, but now he realized that he was going to have to face reality after all. It was going to happen. Adam was going to break his heart. 

And tonight was just going to make it worse. Adam was drunk and spouting off about things that he didn’t mean, which was just going to make it worse for Brandon when the inevitable happened. He was going to hear Adam’s words in his head every time he watched Adam pick up a random guy at a bar on the road or whenever he was lonely in his bed at night and it was going to kill him a little more each time to know that Adam didn’t mean it. 

Brandon wrenched the hotel room door open and sprinted down the hall to Mark’s room, where he pounded on the door. After a minute, Mark cracked open the door and peered out at him through the crack.

“What is it? I’m busy?”

“Are you? Do you have a girl in there?” Brandon asked. He was panicked but he could still take a minute to give Mark shit.

“I might.”

“Do you? For real.” 

Mark rolled his eyes. “No. What do you want?”

“Can I sleep here? Adam’s passed out in my room and I’m too freaked out to stay there.”

Mark opened the door wider so Brandon could enter. “Do we have to talk about it tonight or should I just assume that you’re going to tell me I’m right so I can go to sleep.”

Brandon hung his head and headed for the bed on the far end of the room, crawling in and pulling the covers over his head. “Don’t make this worse than it is, man.”

“Alright,” Mark said, clicking off the light. “I’ll gloat in the morning. ‘Night, Rusty.”

***

Brandon avoided Adam at breakfast, which was easy because Adam was nearly catatonic with his hangover. He switched seats with Blake on the plane back home and spent the entire flight sunk down in his seat next to Mark listening to sad ‘80s ballads on his headphones. As soon as the plane rolled to a stop on the runway in Winnipeg, he grabbed his carry-on and hustled off of the plane. 

Adam jogged up to Brandon’s car in the airport parking lot and knocked on the window. Brandon rolled it down part-way and stared out the front windshield. 

“Baby, what’s wrong,” Adam said.

“Nothing, I’m just...,” Brandon looked down at his hands and trailed off.

“Did I do something wrong last night? I woke up in your room this morning and you weren’t there and now you’re - I’m sorry, just please talk to me.”

Brandon finally looked up at Adam, who had dark circles under his eyes and still somehow looked handsome. “I think we made a mistake doing this,” Brandon gestured between them. Just saying that, even if he didn’t mean it, made Brandon feel cold all over. He knew now that this taste of Adam - this little look at what could have been in another life, one where Adam wanted Brandon for good - had been the best thing that Brandon had ever had. 

“Oh,” Adam said, shocked, and took a step back. 

“I should go,” Brandon said, putting the car in reverse and pulling away. 

***

When Brandon got home, Adam was standing by his front door. 

“How did you get here before me?”

"I think you’re wrong.” Adam moved in front of the door and wasn't going to let Brandon inside until he listened to him. “I don’t think this is a mistake and it's really fucked that you’d say that.”

"Let's go inside. It's freezing out here." 

Adam stepped aside and let Brandon unlock the door. He followed him into the dark house and watched Brandon sink down on the couch, still in his coat, and put his hands over his face. 

"I wanna know why you think us being together is a mistake. You didn't think that yesterday. I know you didn't."

“You don’t need me, you have plenty of other people you can hook up with,” Brandon muttered.

“I don’t even...what is wrong with you?”

Brandon looked up at Adam, who looked crushed, his eyes red like he was about to cry. “I just...You don’t need to keep hooking up with me when you have other options.”

“I don’t want other - this isn’t just a hookup. What the fuck, Bran?” Adam sat on the couch next to Brandon. 

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better. I won’t hold it against you.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Adam was almost shouting now. “Why are you convinced that I’m just going to throw you away and fuck whoever? Do you think that little of me? Or of yourself?”

Brandon just shook his head. 

“Obviously you haven’t been paying attention, but you're special. The first time, the _moment_ I touched you, I knew. Everything was different. It’s not just sex with you, Brandon.” Adam paused. “At least it wasn’t for me.”

“Adam,” Brandon started.

“I know you felt it too, I know you were right there with me.”

“This was supposed to be-”

“Fuck what it was supposed to be,” Adam said, taking Brandon’s hand. “You’re what I want. What do you want?”

Brandon held tight to Adam’s hand, his breath coming fast and shallow. He shook his head.

“C’mon babe, what else do you need me to say? I’m pouring my heart out to you here.” Adam leaned in to nuzzle against Brandon’s neck. "What other 6 foot 5 inch, 210 pound guy would you rather be with?"

Brandon huffed out a laugh.

"You were talking about me, that morning with Mark. You wanted this before I did."

"You were hooking up with other people. You didn't even know I existed."

"Don't slut shame me, Brandon."

Brandon laughed at that, some of the tension going out of his shoulders. He relaxed into Adam a little. "You don't still want to do that?"

"What, pick up guys?"

"Yeah."

"Only if it's with you."

"Adam," Brandon rolled his eyes at him.

"I'm kidding," Adam leaned into Brandon's neck to kiss him there. "Although now that I'm thinking about it-"

"Don't you _dare_ ," Brandon leaned away but he was smiling, his eyes bright.

"I'm just saying," Adam pulled Brandon back to him. "I'm just saying that fucking you while another guy fucks your face would be the hottest thing ever."

"You're the worst," Brandon grumbled. 

"You love me though," Adam said into Brandon's hair.

"Yeah," Brandon said quietly, looking into Adam's eyes, serious and strong.

"Good, because I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> We're pretending The Trade never happened, right? 
> 
> Comments absolutely loved :)


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